intentions

Surprised by My Own Unfolding

"I would love to live as a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding." John O'Donohue

Have you ever had one of those moments when everything came together into a singularity of bliss? It never lasts for long and evaporates as unexpectedly as it appears. Nonetheless, when those occasions unfold, they exude hope, a sense of purpose, and oodles of joy.

I had such an experience Saturday night. At the Chaplaincy Institute's monthly interfaith service, I (along with three classmates) had the honor of receiving my certificate of completion for the Interfaith Spiritual Direction program.  I also transferred my ordination to the Chaplaincy Institute's Interfaith Community. The community celebrated these milestones along with the announcement that I am now the Acting Director of Interfaith Community for the Chaplaincy Institute.

What a change! Over the past year or so, I felt despondent, discouraged and utterly confused. Where was my life going? What is my work? Where is my community? What the hell am I doing? So I waited. I noticed. As each next step appeared out of the fog, I took it, not knowing where it would lead.

When I first moved to California, Stephanie Warfield, a friend in Austin, e-introduced me to John Mabry, the Director of The Chaplaincy Institute's Interfaith Spiritual Direction program. While I have been a spiritual director for several years, I'd never completed a certificate program. The opportunity to do so while also learning about multiple faith traditions (included working with people of no faith tradition), excited me.

Then a fellow student in the program, Amy Hoyt, became the first person to transfer her existing ordination to The Chaplaincy Institute, which is not only a seminary, but also an interfaith community. When I left parish ministry 17 years ago, my ordination was eventually "inactivated" since I was not in a ministry setting with the denomination that ordained me. Reactivating my ordination had not been on my radar screen for some time. Next thing I knew, I was completing all the requirements to transfer my ordination to the Chaplaincy Institute. Now I am once again endorsed as "clergy in good standing".

Then Jim Larkin, the kind minister who shepherded me through that transfer process, announced that he was stepping down from his position as Director of Interfaith Community. I applied for the position, was hired, and started last Monday! I now feel at home in community and in my vocation.

This was no strategic, step-by-step plan. I did set my intentions (prayers) for the kind of work and community that I longed for. Then I kept my eyes open, noticing any subtle hints that emerged. I waited. I struggled. I kept returning to my intentions. I applied for jobs. I tried out various communities and groups. The desert stretched out before me in limitless, frustrating desiccation. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, streams converged to form this oasis.

Of course, I still have no idea how all of this will evolve. But, in this moment, I am filled with gratitude for how this life is unfolding. I feel supported by the Universe (God) and by so many loving people, including my friend Kathleen who gave me the ministerial "charge" (words of encouragement and blessing for the way forward), and especially by my partner Herb who put the stole on me during the service.

As you reflect on your life:

  • What yearnings do you notice?
  • How might you activate that yearning into an intention?
  • What subtle hints, crumbs along the path, align with your intention?
  • What is your best guess as to your next, single step forward?

Those moments of bliss, those times when life "comes together", are neither guaranteed nor permanent. They, are, however, more likely to be noticed and appreciated through an open heart, an open mind, and a willingness to be carried along by the surprising unfolding of life's river.

You Cannot Fail!

A little over two years ago I left Austin, Texas for a move out to my current home here in California. Before leaving I stopped by Austin Presbyterian Seminary to say good-bye to the students and staff who had been so supportive of the spiritual direction work I had done there over the years. What I remember most from that last visit was a brief talk with Jackie Saxon, the Vice President of Student Affairs. She asked how I was feeling about the move.

"I feel both excited and scared", I replied.

Jackie said, "Excitement and fear are two sides of the same coin. They go together. That shows your goal has heart and life. If you felt no fear, neither would you feel any excitement."

"You're right. I just don't feel like I know what I'm doing. I don't know if it's going to work out. I'm going where I feel led, but it all seems so uncertain."

Jackie took hold of my shoulders with a firm, yet compassionate grip, looked me in the eyes and said these words that still ring in my ears as prophetic truth: "Hear me. You cannot fail! It may not go as you have planned it, but that is not failure. Whatever happens is the bridge to your next adventure. You cannot fail!"

What would you do if you knew you could not fail? What would you attempt if you knew that even those inevitable missteps and sidesteps were all ok? What if what seems like failure (when things don't turn out as you hope and plan) is actually the bridge to your next adventure?

What if you could not fail? What adventure would you go on? What change would you make? Who might you become?

As we enter 2014, I encourage you to live as if you were enrolled in a school where there is no failure, only learning. The school is life, the curriculum is what is present in your life right now, and the Teacher is Spirit/God/The Universe, who is collaborating with you for your highest good and the well being of all concerned. With that understanding, what would be a wholehearted step forward for you, an adventure worthy of your precious energy? Knowing that you simply cannot fail, what will you do?