I Just Can't Keep Up Anymore

I just can’t keep up anymore.  

I don’t know the contestants on American Idol.

Unfinished projects multiply like swirling fractals.

I can’t even keep up with my emails.

Current count is 4,335 messages in the Inbox.

Should I feel guilty?

Am I failing the exam of modern living?


Every morning I begin my day quietly and slowly.

I read. I drink tea. I meditate.


For a nanosecond or two,

Eternity breathes me.

I remember who I am.

I’ve caught up with myself.

And all is well.

Then the whistle blows,

Jarring me from Life to making a living.

I’m already behind.


Throughout the day I catch a whiff of Life…

A laugh with a colleague

An unexpected kind word

A darting contentment fleeing the scene like a fugitive.

Mostly though I move faster and faster to the beat of a cyber-drummer,

Further and further from consciousness.

Where do I go during these hours?


Eventually the sun retreats, having burned itself out once again.

My ashen spirit mimics twilight’s shifting allegiance

From lusty tangerine to oatmeal to a monochromatic surrender.


And then, in the wan eventide, grace saturates the pallor…

A walk with a wire fox terrier

The simple luxury of tea and a book

My lover’s smile tucking me in the for evening…

My grasping, frantic, never-caught-up mind unclenches its fist

And releases my heart,

Which has known the truth all along:

What's most worthy of keeping up with

Keeps up with me

Without any effort on my part.